Does anyone remember when Cadburys Cream Eggs were just eggs? Yeah. Me too. I used to nibble the top off and stick my finger in and wrap my tongue around that creamy goodness and… OK, so this is kind of sounding like an erotica. I should really stop writing sex scenes with the lights off at night. Anyway – they used to be eggs. Because eggs are eggs, aren’t they? What else could they possibly be?
Well. Biscuits. Obviously.
Cadburys Cream Eggs are now biscuits, which I bought for a quid from ASDA. I thought perhaps if I took them out of the shop and into reality they might melt away in my hands as though they never really existed, but instead they melted away in my mouth and now my expanding thighs are all the proof I needed that they’re real.
Cadburys Cream Eggs are also now ice-creams, if what my friend told me last night is true.
I find this all quite shocking. I leave the country for a few short years and I come back to find that as well as the medley of meretricious reality TV shows, adverts, magazines and Internet drivel warping our westernised brains, even the very definition of ‘egg’ has changed. I can’t keep up with this world. I want to get off.
I meant the WORLD. Not… OK, again, too much erotica…