rose petal bath

The time I… took one of those sexy rose petal baths

Yes indeedy, that is I... bathing in a tub resplendent with rose petals. This was about... God I think maybe ten years ago now... in a hotel somewhere in Oman. I was going through some old photos on Facebook when I found this one. It was born around the era us millennials will come to know as that time we stopped loitering outside Boots eating Monster Munch till our photos were printed, stopped sticking them in albums to be remembered...Read More

CAK and the wonders of foreign mail…

Got a letter this morning from a Dutch company called CAK regarding health insurance. I thought my eyes were deceiving me... or perhaps I'm just incredibly immature but I opened Urban Dictionary and... yes: CAK = slang for penis. ie. "my cak is hanging out of my pants." Or, if you want another definition, CAK = Short for 'Crunk Ass Kid' ie "Did you just see what CAK did? That Coy is the crunkest of all the kids I know."   Now... I'm sure it means something nicer...Read More

Thoughts on writing romance novels about real ‘live’ people…

As a writer I’d like to be able to subscribe to certain people’s WhatsApp conversations, you know? I think they’d be great character studies… like imagine if you could spy on relationships, especially romantic ones, from the sensual/ suggestive sexting to the sad point at which you’ve sunk so low you’re actually revelling in your own passive aggression, writing snarky one-liners, totally misusing grammar and emojis thanks to the pathetic tears clouding your eyes, and getting blocked. I’m sure WhatsApp...Read More
Weird sexy stuff at NEMO

A single girl’s guide to Amsterdam’s NEMO Science Museum

Check it out - a building that looks just like my love life. A giant, sinking ship. (Sigh). Yes, yes, the dating game's a drag at times, but rather than sit around swiping dejectedly through the cesspool of humanity Tinder, I thought it was high time to 'meet people in the real world!' NEMO seemed like a good enough place to start on a free, sunny day in Amsterdam. It could still become the ship of dreams, right? Perhaps in a...Read More

Remembering Yemen…

I never did make it to Syria unfortunately, but I did visit Yemen in 2008, which I'm thinking about now in the midst of this stupid Muslim Ban. Who knows what Trump will do to further dampen the spirits of these people, but my heart breaks when I think about it. The guys were all carrying these huge knives, tucked in their waistbands, but never once did it feel threatening. If anything it was comedic... they weren't even weapons in...Read More

11 things you only ever say on WhatsApp when you’re going to Burning Man…

I LEAVE TOMORROW!! Am I ready? Probably not.  I'm what's known as a Virgin, (this will be my first time at Burning Man) and in the run up to the event I've been prepping with a friend in London, mostly on WhatsApp. And some of our conversations have been a little.... er.... well. Here then, are my top 11 things you will ONLY ever say if you're getting ready for Burning Man. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10....Read More

Thoughts about rainbows…

I cycled home tonight right under a rainbow - the kind of rainbow that smiles across the sky in every colour, and then more colours you haven't seen before. And I got to the park, and I noticed that people were stopping... stopping in their tracks, on feet, on bikes, on skateboards and on picnic blankets, and they were all looking up at the rainbow, all pointing fingers and eyes and cameras to the sky. But mostly I noticed my...Read More

How to tell when you travel too much (and when you should stop)

Yup. That's how. That's a screenshot my friend just sent me, when I told her to add my new phone number in Amsterdam. "Another one?!" "Yeah, but I'm staying put in Amsterdam for now." *Tumbleweed No one believes me when I say I want to stay in one place, now. Actually, looking at that list makes me a bit antsy again. I'm all like... "BALI!! Why did I leave Bali?!? The food in Vietnam was soooo good. Oh I had such...Read More

It started with a boy called Matt: why I’m going to Burning Man (in 2 weeks!!!)

Going to Burning Man has been pretty high on the bucket list for years... ever since I started chatting to an American guy online back in 2003, who was all set to head off to Black Rock City from his home somewhere in New Mexico. His name was Matt. We chatted so much over webcam that Matt decided to fly to London after the festival to see me. I know, I know, so romantic. And it was. It really was; as soon as...Read More

Pills that make you poop glitter…

Oh my! We should give these to ALL the pigeons in London until the whole city is a sparkly rainbow! Granted we'd be covered in shit, but what a talking point. People would come for miles to see Big Ben how it is now... a shimmering beacon of birdy-poopy perfection, compared to how it was = BORING. I know they say not to eat these pills that make you poop glitter, but oh, oh, oh, I want to know. I...Read More