Dubai’s ‘Spiderman’ and the filthy handprints…

Some people are just mental, aren’t they? This French daredevil dude, who’s in all the papers for climbing the Burj Khalifa in Dubai, clearly has issues. He’s being called ‘Spiderman’, which I think is a bit silly because we all know Spiderman used awesome webs that shot from his palms in order to climb buildings. Spiderman didn’t need any ropes – pah!

Allegedly Robert first climbed a building at the age of 12. He only did it cos someone locked him out of his apartment, but after he’d climbed 8 stories to get through a window he thought, woweeeeeee, that was cool. I’m gonna do that again. And he did. He climbed the Empire State Building, and the Petronas Towers, and a whole bunch of other buildings. And no one stopped him. But now Alain Robert is 48 years old. Hmmmmm….

He’s obviously going through some sort of elongated mid-life crisis, not to have stopped yet. Most men going through a mid-life crisis buy a fast car, or get a Jacuzzi installed on the front lawn, or cheat on their wife with a receptionist (doesn’t even have to be their own receptionist). But not Robert. He wanted to be Spiderman. He even bought some red pants. Shame they’re not spandex.

I remember when I watched them building the Burj Khalifa from my bedroom on the landing of the inventor’s villa. It looked like a twig sticking up from the sand, it was tiny at first. Then it grew and grew and grew like a giant alien hand grabbing at the sky and I thought, man, that is gonna be a REALLY big building. Totally the biggest ever. And it is. It’s the tallest in the world! It’s so tall now that it has 160 floors and apparently Alain Robert took about six hours to climb it!

As if that wasn’t nervewracking enough, though, he had a zillion people crowding round at the bottom, egging him on, and an ambulance crew, in case he fell. Not that they’d be able to do much if that happened, right?! I hardly think anyone’s gonna save a bloke who’s fallen from the 160th floor, onto concrete… or try and catch him, for that matter. He’d be coming at you faster than a speeding bullet. Not so much Spiderman as Superman. Unless Dubai’s built the biggest and bounciest ever bouncy castle, along with the biggest ever building, to soften the blow, of course. That would be amazing!!! Imagine. Everyone would wanna climb up there, just to fall off and bounce like a baby back into the sky!

I do feel sorry for the window cleaners though. It’s bad enough they have to go up there washing bird shit off all those windows, but imagine rubbing at someone’s greasy handprints, too. Tut. Twice as long! And twice as much Windex. How rude.

I also hope Alain’s not disappointed, now he’s done it. Well, he’s climbed the world’s tallest building, hasn’t he. What’s left for him to scale? He might have to settle for a receptionist after all.