Everything you dreamed of but never got Part 1: The Bright Light Blanket

No, that is not a one-man-disco taking place in a child’s bedroom. It’s a fucking BRIGHT LIGHT BLANKET, the latest product on an American infomercial to blow my mind. As if the doggy thundershirt wasn’t enough! Holy crow!

The Bright Light Blanket is exactly what it looks like. A blanket that lights up your kid’s bed like a space ship so they can sleep in delightful pink, yellow and green orbs and you can sleep feeling like an ominous alien army is hovering above your baby’s bed waiting to give them an anal probe the minute they finish with Barney the Dinosaur. It’s GENIUS. And it never existed when I was a child. I feel denied. Don’t you?

The website also offers Bright Light Pillows, but even more excitingly I think is the fact that they recommend these items for travel:

Imagine. Travel.

Imagine travelling with a flashing, lit-up neon pillow. Amazing. I mean, if I felt denied before I feel even more denied now, because I just spent a year in Indonesia without one. Think of all the friends I would have made if I’d been “Becky  with the flickering travel Bright Light Pillow” instead of “Becky with the Winnie the Pooh suitcase and fake flower hair-clip”. It would have been a totally different story… a different book. I like to think Balilicious is a little quirky in parts but I have to apologise now to future readers because there’s a considerable lack of Bright Light Pillows on all my agonisingly long bus, car and boat rides. No one knew I was there half the time. I didn’t glow in the dark once.

They also recommend this pillow for sleepovers. I never had one at any of my frickin’ sleepovers! IS THIS WHY I’M SINGLE?

Such a shame. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Get your Bright Light Pillow or Blanket today.

Other posts you may like:

28 thoughts on “Everything you dreamed of but never got Part 1: The Bright Light Blanket

  1. I wanting to buy 3 of these balnkets…I see their out of stock right now. When will there be more available and can I be notified?

  2. They have the blankets for $ 39.99 and $ 7.99 shipping. Call and ask for brite light blankets. For customer service, please call 866-305-1363. This offer features a 30-day, money back guarantee.Returns may be sent, along with your name and address, to:
    Bright Light Pillow™
    Attn: Returns Department
    10303 Norris Avenue
    Pacoima, CA 91331

  3. just called “Bright Light Pillows” & was told you still need to purchase at least one pillow to be able to purchase a blanket, however, the blankets are on back order & they don’t know when they will have more. No one wants their stupid pillows!!! Where are these blankets?!?!?!

  4. I would also be curious to find out why they do not sell the blankets, did the wiring cause issues and cause fires?


  6. I have been searching for the blanket that lights up, I found the pillow but my daughter really wants the blanket not the pillow. She asks me daily and if anyone can help please let me know where to find this. I live in mi and I am also trapped on Internet and no luck in any stores please help ?!!!

    1. I called 1-866-305-1363 I ordered the blanket from customer service option #4 I found the # on a web site $7.99 shipping

  7. Not sure if it’s the same brand or not, but I work at CVS, and we sell them at my store. Just in case anyone is still looking for these. I plan on buying a couple for my son and nephew for Christmas! Good luck everyone! 🙂

    1. Can we order the online? I do ot have CVS in SPokane WA. I am looking all over the internet and i have found them at an off the wall website or two one fo 50$ and one for 90$ hopefully you get this and can reply.

  8. Sure, you’re entitled to express your opinion using profanity, but all you managed to project is that you’re an immature, self-centered, unconscious individual whose vocabulary and imagination are severely limited. This product is intended for children, hence “children” may be reading your post. Clearly you’re not a parent. Get a clue…

  9. Yes! I swear I had seen the blankets on TV and now when I go to the website they’re not offered anymore? wth?

  10. Ordered the pillows on line but they never offered to sell the blanket. After calling & them saying they had not received my order yet, even when I have a confirmation# they said to check back. I asked why the blanket wasn’t offered & they said they stopped selling the blankets. Suprise!!!!! Now I stuck with 3 pillows & no blankets. I was going to purchase them for my neighbors children’s b’day. Why did they offer it on tv when they don’t even sell them anymore. Don’t purchase from this company. Buyer beware!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  11. this is just inexplainable!!! how dare they have cool things on infomercials these days!!! i’m so buying!!

Comments are closed.