This week I don’t have much to do, so I’ve been thinking about writing another book – a work of fiction. This scares me a bit because I don’t know what might come out if I can’t restrict myself to actual happenings in the real world. I don’t even know if I can do it, but I don’t really have a choice because generally, when you’re unemployed and have no money and no boyfriend, not a lot actually happens in the real world. Non fiction sort of gets a bit boring. I suppose I could write another book about getting up at 10am every morning, sitting on my sofa, looking for my perfect job on the Internet (which doesn’t exist because no one’s ever advertised the position of Creative Unicorn Herder and Rainbow Expedition Guide) and giving up and going to the cinema to take my mind off the fact that I’m so bored and boring. This book would be called “Bored and Boring”, and no one would buy it, cos it’d be boring.
I just posted a random ad on Gumtree to see what happens, as the fact that I’m poor is bothering me. REALLY bothering me. Soon I won’t be able to dine out anymore, or buy wine. I haven’t bought a new item of clothing in days. It’s ridiculous. Here’s what my ad says.
Subject: Writer looking for ANYTHING,
Body: And by anything, I mean within reason, obviously. I’m a writer/copywriter and author (I like saying that) but I’m also pretty good at answering phones (I’m a Brit so I have a nice accent!) and I’m friendly, fun, organised and more than capable at doing most things… except manual labour. Don’t ask me to lift, scrub or operate heavy machinery. If you have any ideas or work for me, let me know! I’m bored.
I hope someone writes back. If YOU have a job for me, fellow bloggers and readers, let me know. I’m willing to travel… especially to the Maldives, or Bali. Hell, I’ll even go to Blacktown.
It’s funny, but when you tell people you’ve got a book out, they sort of look at you a bit funny, and assume you’re really rich. Let me tell you this, fellow writers, having a book out does not make you rich. Unless it’s about vampires snogging werewolves, who are in turn dying for the day when they can shag your half-human baby. Or a wizard who once lived in a cupboard. Or a lion who lives in a wardrobe. Or a boy who sleeps in the same bed as a fat, male gnome with big ears. THOSE authors are rich, but not the other ones, like us. Most of us, I’m learning, aren’t even living in castles with turrets. It’s a bit disappointing really, but that’s just the way it is.
Ooooh, a man just rang me. Says he has a job for me in the CBD. He had a funny accent… but then, so do I. Says he’s gonna email me details. Hope it’s nothing too seedy…