So JK Rowling has recently won permission to build a couple of kick-ass £250,000 Hogwarts-style tree houses in her garden? IN. HER. GARDEN. I mean, her house is probably big enough to plant the trees in there, cast a spell on them to make them grow and then build the tree houses inside, but quite rightly she wants the world to see them. I would. If I had the money and the desire to build some tree houses in my garden, I would frickin well want to share them! But get this. Her neighbours are complaining.
Are they mental?
Has JK Rowling not given the world enough? Does she not deserve a tree house or two? Honestly. What is the world coming to? If my neighbor was a world-famous best-selling author who wanted to build a couple of tree houses next door I’d be straight over there with my kids asking if they/I could play in them. And if I didn’t have kids? Well I’d bloody well make some. Or adopt some. For the day. Fuck it.
Apparently, JK plans to build the two-storey structures for her lovely children David and Kenzie in the grounds of her 17th century mansion in Scotland, which she bought with her own money having sat in coffee shops all day for ten years writing stories about wizards. How many people do you know who do that? That is what we call a sacrifice, people. Like I said, does she not deserve a tree house or two?
The kids probably asked for a Quidditch court but JK was all like: ‘That’s a bit unrealistic, don’t you think?’ thus ruining the illusion that Quidditch isn’t real (even though some people think it is) and causing them to cry and demand not one tree house, but two, instead. I think the neighbours should count themselves lucky she didn’t go all Michael Jackson on the hood and build a rollercoaster, or that the kids didn’t ask for an elf like Dobbin to play with because quite frankly those things can demand a lot of money and would definitely wind up costing more than two tree houses and an elf would also mess up the flowerbeds. The neighbours should shut up and get excited, like the rest of us!
“The tree-houses will be erected on tall stilts beside mature conifers in the garden. They will have tall cedar shingle conical roofs and be connected by long partly-elevated walkways and a rope bridge,” says the newspaper.
“The buildings will feature turreted windows, pennants, a basket and pulley, and an owl perch. David’s playhouse will include a long tunnel under a walkway and a fireman’s pole; his sister’s boasts a trapdoor, rope ladder, a metal slide and spiral staircase down to the garden.”
BUILD IT, BUILD IT NOW!!!
Not sure about the owl perch though. Does this mean they’ll be buying an owl? Tut. Someone should complain about that. But not about the tree houses. Think of how David and his mates will be using that fireman’s pole in the future? This is an investment.
I’m with you JK.