Man found eating love rival’s heart (with IKEA cutlery?)…

zombie-eating-brains

You can’t make this sh*t up!!!

Well actually, you can, but the truth is always stranger than fiction, right? I just read this story about a guy who’s been arrested in South Africa for eating the heart of his ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend with… wait for it… a KNIFE AND FORK.

Well, at least he was polite.

“The victim, aged 62, had been stabbed in his chest and neck and had a bite mark on his face, the police told the BBC.” Can you believe this? It sounds like the guy who ate his heart tried to eat his face first, before settling on the insides – because we all know, when it comes to love, it’s what’s inside that counts.

“Western Cape Deputy Police Commissioner Sharon Jephta said police officers and witnesses had been offered counselling to cope with the trauma.

“It was very gruesome,” she said.”

Well, yeah, I think we got that from the knife and fork part. Sounds a bit like this guy watched Silence of the Lambs a few too many times… but we don’t know the back story. Maybe the guy who got eaten was a total asshole. Maybe he ALWAYS refused to use a knife a fork in front of this couple (neighbors, perhaps?) before he finally wooed and whisked the woman in question away on some fancy culinary dining vacation, during which ALL he did was use exquisite cutlery in a variety of taunting, traitorous Facebook photos – driving his neighbor to the brink of insanity.

Perhaps he deemed it quite fair and just to finish him off on a silver plate with the shitty IKEA cutlery he thought his heart deserved.

“It’s definitely a love triangle,” Sharon Jephta said.”

And we probably don’t even know the half of it.

Gulp.