I’m so upset I could cry. I just found out that because the moon’s gravitational pull has moved the Earth in its access over the last 2000 years, there’s now a one-month (ish) shove in the alignment of the stars. Thanks ancient Babylonians. I frickin hate Libras.
Well,… OK, that’s not true,… some Libras are alright, I have some lovely girlfriends who are Libras, but I had an ex once who was a Libra and he ruined the male species in general for me. The Libra stung the Scorpio. And Scorpios hate stings, unless they’re doling them out.
Oh Scorpio status, I will miss you! When someone asks me what I “do”, I quite often say “Scorpio” like it’s some sort of position in the realm of employment. It’s tough being a Scorpio. We live in a world of black and white. It’s good or it’s bad. It’s hot or it’s cold. We hate the messy stuff in the middle – let’s just slap a label on it so we know what “it” is, ‘cause thinking too much eats away at our souls. We hate it, but we analyse everything, you see. We never live in the moment; we’re five steps ahead in our mental imaginings, some times twenty five, and sometimes, our minds are so busy seeing what’s NOT there, or what could be there but isn’t, that we live in a world that doesn’t exist. It’s a different, special, Scorpio world that Libras could NEVER understand. My ex never did. That’s why he’s an ex.
But that’s all bollocks now. I’m not special at all. I’m a Libra. Seriously… I’m having an identity crisis over here!
I could have been the new awesome star sign that’s been discovered/imagined, called Ophiuchus. I don’t even know what that is but it sounds incredibly sexy and mystical, doesn’t it? Just like ME!!!! I wouldn’t have minded discovering why I’ve felt so weird my whole life; knowing that the reason for it all was because I belonged to some undiscovered group of beings. It would have been a GREAT excuse for all the times I’ve fucked things up. Imagine: “Oh I’m terribly sorry, I didn’t mean to spear your goldfish/sneak onto your land and steal your blackberries/cry over the movie Aladdin, but I’m an Ophiuchus you see. You won’t know what that means till 2011 bur don’t worry, it will all become clear.”
But oooh no, forget all that. I’m a Libra. Moody, secretive, always seeking fairness and balance and always looking at everything in a detached way, blah blah, boring. Hmmm, actually, that does sound a bit like me, the more I think about it. Hang on a minute…
Is it possible that I could find a part of my inner demon in every star sign? Have I been living a LIE?? I feel like a little inner religion of mine just got attacked by an astrological terrorist. Man, this really has thrown everything out of alignment. I need a drink.
The “new” star signs, in case you were wondering, are:
Capricorn: Jan. 20 – Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16 – March 11
Pisces: March 11- April 18
Aries: April 18 – May 13
Taurus: May 13 – June 21
Gemini: June 21 – July 20
Cancer: July 20 – Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10 – Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16 – Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30 – Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23 – Nov. 29
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29 – Dec. 17