With less than one month until the book comes out, I’m starting to get a bit nervous, if I’m honest. It’s all absolutely fabulous when you get the publishing deal – years of hard slog, blogging to God-Knows-Who and writing utter crap for gossip websites just to get your name out into the cybersphere finally pays off – but no sooner has the celebratory champagne headache passed, than you’re onto your next concern: wondering if people are actually gonna buy it. In my case, will they even know it’s out there? Will they WANT to buy it when they find it? Will they like it once they do? Or will the dream of being a published author turn out to be something I should have just left in my head, along with my iniquitous story? It’s fucking terrifying actually. I feel like I’m about to be fed to the sharks.
Of course, in situations like this, there’s only one thing to do. And that’s throw a party. A fucking GREAT party that will cheer me up and reposition my mental outlook right back up there on the top of the world, singing with the Carpenters, looking down on my creation. And because my emotional tug-of-war is regarding this Burqalicious book thing, which I’ve scribbled from my head-mess onto a screen and thus, onto bookshelves across the nation, I’m planning on turning this party into a book launch. It’s killing two birds with one stone.
The thing is, where do I have it? And how exactly does one go about organizing a book launch? I’ve never done it before. My idea of throwing a party usually involves blowing up a few balloons in my living room and defrosting some sausage rolls… maybe telling the neighbours not to be alarmed when 15 strangers do the conga down the stairwell. But this is slightly different. I don’t even think this one should be in my house. I think it’s time to take the party planning elsewhere.
I did some Googling and found some useful tips on the matter. One author suggests throwing a party to match the theme of your book, so now I’m thinking it might be cool to have a sort of Arabic theme. Maybe I can import a camel, or borrow one from Toronga Zoo, and as the hostess I can ride in wearing a burqa, pouring Arabic tea into raised cups before doing a reading from my brightly patterned hump-throne. The problem with this fantasy however, is that I’m not famous. No one knows who the hell I am and no one cares, so even if I DID ride into a bookshop wearing a burqa, sitting on a camel, no one would give a crap. Aside from the authorities. I’d probably get arrested, actually. Would that be good for sales, though? Hmmm…
Another thing to consider, according to my research, is the target audience. There’s no point throwing a party in the local puppy pound if your book’s about the slaying of Alsatians… not that mine is. But throwing mine on the grounds of a mosque might not be wise either. I think a bar might be better for my target audience than a bookshop, though. A running theme throughout my story is indeed the vast amounts of alcohol consumed in a Muslim country, and the publishers have sort of ‘girlified’ the cover in honour of No Sex And The City. Perhaps a small bar, with a few Arabic style cocktails might be appropriate? Just need to find a venue in Sydney… (any ideas?)
It’s a shame I was so misled by Carrie Bradshaw all those years ago. When she had a book launch it was HUGE. Everyone came, even the editor of New York Vogue! I’m finding out now however, that book launches are hardly ever huge affairs in reality. Not even J.K Rowling flies into hers on a broomstick… which is massively disappointing isn’t it? And Stephanie Meyer never even held one in the treetops of Forks, Washington, surrounded by sparkly men on harnesses. RUBBISH.
Not being famous means I’ll have to pay for all this myself of course, and maybe beg people to attend. The marketing budget for Burqalicious – The Dubai Diaries is being spent quite rightly on more important things, like putting the book in airports and making fridge magnets (ahem). There isn’t even 50 bucks spare for a party. Maybe the frozen sausage rolls aren’t such a bad idea after all.
Oh, by the way, happy new year, blogosphere!