“Old people are harmless. But deep down inside, they just want to take your Internet away from you”. HAHAHA! I love this line. It made me snort my coffee out of my nose this morning. It comes from this article, which explains how a little old lady in Georgia managed to cut off the Internet in Armenia whilst digging for scrap metal. (WTF? Whose gran digs for scrap metal? If your gran is digging for scrap metal, perhaps you need to put her in a home before she tries to claim the entire underground network of your nearest city and auction it off as jewellery on the Antique’s Roadshow?)
Whilst digging, this precious little lady hit the cable, thought she’d struck gold and nabbed it before anyone could stop her. Though the article doesn’t explain how a 75 year old woman managed to first hoist this huge fibre optic cable out of the ground with superior strength, how she managed to carry it home, or indeed quite what she intended to do with it, which I find intriguing. I know if my own gran found a cable in her lawn she’d probably call the council and get them to move it, for fear of it rusting all over the daffodils. But this lady actually wanted it in her house, which is awesome. Maybe she was going to try and use it as a super long washing line for her oversized, baggy granny pants? Maybe she was going to train creeping bougainvillea around the walls of her living room, or use it as a skipping rope? Who knows? Who cares? All that matters is that she’s awesome.
It’s a shame she could face going to prison though. Hmmmm. Yeah, apparently it’s not the done thing to cut the Internet from Armenians. She’s been charged with damaging property, though she’ll probably get let off because of her age. Old people can get away with anything. I guess it’s a fair trade off for losing the use of your limbs, eyes, ears and large vintage shoe collection. When I’m old, I’ll be pushing my luck all over the place. Free bus rides, free movies, free dinners at the homeless shelter… it’ll be just like the life I live now as a freebie-blagging writer, only I’ll ALSO get to wheel about in a free chair, provided by the local hospital. This way I can continue to wear vintage heels, even when my legs don’t work.
BRING IT ON.
Perhaps the government should create a leaflet for the elderly, about what they can and can’t dig up and keep in their homes. I may suggest this. But in the meantime, we should all call our grans today and make sure they know the difference between an abandoned metal post or necklace, and an Internet providing fibre optic cable connected to Armenia.