The kind of tweets you should never ever send if you want to keep your followers…

Ones like this, basically:

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You don’t need to take up that much space. If you were in a room, I just know you would be the person screaming in the corner at her boyfriend, or maybe even dancing on the bar, pissed on tequila at 8 p.m. It’s just not necessary.

And all those hashtags? I don’t even know what you’re telling me – to follow you back? To let you know I encourage this? Does anyone out there encourage this? I don’t think they do.

Honestly.

Oh and adding those sunbeams, or explosions, or whatever they are. Why are you doing this? I don’t need to see graphics in my tweets unless they are images, attached and relevant to your informative gem. If I want graphics I’ll watch Frozen for the eighty-ninth time.

If you want to add a love heart every now and then to show you care, fine… you go ahead. But don’t bomb my feed with orange fireworks. It’s stressful. I’ve just woken up. I’m only on my fourth coffee.

Honestly.