Uber in Nashville is interesting…

File illustration picture showing the logo of car-sharing service app Uber on a smartphone next to the picture of an official German taxi signMe: ‘So, what’s the craziest thing that’s happened to you since you started driving for Uber?’

Him: ‘Are you a shy girl?’

Me: ‘Er, I don’t think so.’

Him: ‘Then maybe I’ll tell you about the girls who asked me to take them to a swinger’s club. There were four of them. I didn’t think one wanted to go so I asked if they were sure. They all said yes except the one who didn’t look sure, so I took them to a regular club and left them there.’

Me: ‘OK, well, that was nice of you.’

Him: ‘Yeah, sometimes I’m nice like that. I mean people are crazy when they’re drunk, right? There was also the girl who told me she didn’t want to go home yet and play with Bob…’

Me: ‘Bob?’

Him: ‘Her Battery Operated Boyfriend.’

Me: ‘Oh, right.’

Him: ‘Yeah, she told me she was horny and asked if I’d mind driving round for a while, and then she asked if I minded if she masturbated next to me.’

Me: ‘Oh, right.’

Him: ‘I told her she could do what she wanted, seeing as she was paying, so she stuck her hand in her pants and started going at it.’

Me: ‘Oh. Um. Right. Did you watch?’

Him: ‘Yeah! She wanted me to. She went at it for a long time while we drove around. Then she asked me if I would touch her. I just kept thinking about my wife and my kids.’

Me: ‘Well, good for you.’

Him: ‘Yeah, I mean, I didn’t have any condoms with me and that same day I’d taken to the kids to the doctor’s and there was a leaflet there about HPV. I just kept thinking how I might have brought that disease home and I couldn’t do that to my wife, you know?’

Me: ‘Hmmm.’

Him: ‘Yeah, sometimes I’m nice like that.’