Volcanic rumbling ramblings…

It’s all just blimmin’ miserable in the UK at the moment isn’t it? When it’s cold in my current hemisphere it would be nice to feel the warmth of a lovely news bulletin from my homeland; the comforting embrace of a nice English story about postmen and gingerbread me and frolicking lambs in the Devonshire countryside. But no. It’s all political screw ups and ash clouds. How depressing.

The latest volcano eruption is currently trapping my friend Tracy in London, something she’s not particularly happy about. I suppose they’re just trying to be careful, in that typical overly-cautious British way. But even the king of planes himself, Richard Branson, thinks it’s all a bit silly. He actually made me laugh when he said: “It is obviously dangerous to fly through the mouth of a volcano, as has been demonstrated time and time again on television by what happened to the BA plane (do’h). However, the volcano is hundreds of miles away from the UK.”

Yes. It is. Come on people, listen to Richard. It’s bloody miles away! Just because you can see a bit of smoke, doesn’t necessarily mean there’s a fire. Does it?

I don’t really understand all this ash stuff anyway… I mean, how is an ash cloud different from a really big rain cloud, full of thunder? Well, OK, so it might be a bit hotter, but if planes are built to withstand getting struck by lightning, how’s a little flick from the equivalent of a volcanic cigarette butt gonna bring one down? I just don’t get it. But then, I guess if I was on a plane and my pilot said “Hey guys, buckle up tight, we’re flying through a volcano in a bit,” I’d be an incy bit scared. I might even do the whole putting my head in my crossed arms thing and hide under my tray table. I might even sue the airline, or at least demand more complimentary vodka for the turmoil. Maybe it’s a case of laughing at the stupidity, until you’re actually in that situation, zooming through the barf of an ancient mountain.

Maybe it’s not even a volcano thing. When it comes to the prospect of experiencing whinging Brits, maybe you just can’t be too careful.