Way to go Posh Spice. Ruining it for everyone…

Victoria Beckham wants to name her daughter Santa. Holy shit! If there was ever a case of child abuse, this is it, right here. Stop what you’re doing people, and observe. If I was anywhere near her I’d be standing outside her house with a placard and a flask of Horlix… probably. She should be stopped. Is anyone trying to stop her?

“A source told The Sun newspaper: “Posh thinks Santa Beckham has a lovely ring to it and wants something unique.”

WHAT?? Posh, The name Santa is not unique. It has been around for years and yes, whilst it is most definitely a symbol of our consumer-driven, commercial, spirtually-ignorant times, like you, it also stands for Christmas. Why are you trying to steal Christmas?

If you want a unique name, make something up, like Peanutbrittle Buttercup. Or even something modern, like Telphonica. Or Laptoppia. Or SingStardomAdonna. Don’t take the name of our Christmas icon and turn it into your offspring. Not only will she hate you when she’s ridiculed at school for leaving Rudolph outside, eating all the mince pies and being a better ride than a giant sleigh, the nation will hate you too. You’re trying to STEAL CHRISTMAS!

“David prefers something traditional, but will probably go along with what she chooses,” says The Sun.

Well he’s an idiot too, then. Stand up for yourself man. Tell your wife you appreciate she’s found inspiration in the LA suburb of Santa Monica, but perhaps she could just use the last part, instead of the first. There’s nothing wrong with Monica. Monica is a great name. There are loads of successful Monica’s about. But the only thing Santa’s successful at is looking fat on the front of greeting cards. Do you want that for your child? ‘Cause lord knows Santa’s not supposed to be as skinny as you’re always trying to be.

Poor kid. Even if she grows up wanting to be a singer, she’ll be pigeon-holed into making December hits only. Who wants a song by Santa in March? Wake up Poshy!! You really haven’t thought this through.

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