What are you doing to us, Cadbury’s? Axing your chocolate bars won’t save us from ourselves!

Screen Shot 2014-06-04 at 22.25.06I’m very disturbed to read today that Cadburys has axed its ‘bar and a half’ range in a futile attempt at what they’re calling ‘an anti-obesity crackdown.’

I guess I understand their concern, but really, what the HELL kind of world do we live in when chocolate companies feel forced to lessen the size of their products just because some people can’t get a control over their eating habits? And so what if we want to eat chocolate? So what if we don’t mind getting fat? Can we not make up our own minds anymore, about ANYTHING?

The news says: “Cadbury is to stop selling chocolate bars aimed at individuals containing more than 250 calories as part of a government anti-obesity initiative.”

But… well… I wanna know…. what’s stopping me buying two bars? I’m a grown woman (literally). I’ll just buy TWO reduced-sized bars… so now I’ve had more than a bar and a half.

HAHA. Screw you all. I’ve had TWO bars, all to myself. And what are you gonna do to stop me buying more? What if they’re on special offer, like in Poundland, where you can always buy two bars for a quid? Maybe three. I might buy four. Your fault, not mine. If I could’ve just bought one ‘bar and a half’, maybe I’d have stopped at that.

You’re making it worse, Cadbury.

But I think perhaps you’re doing it on purpose.

“In 2012 the Cadbury’s single Dairy Mail shrunk by eight per cent in size from 49g to 45g. Despite the reduction in size, the price of the bars has increased by a penny to 60p.”

We’re paying more for less. We’re growing in size, as are your profits, no matter what you say about wanting to help us.

A Public Health Minister has said “This is encouraging but more must be done.”

I’m not sure what more can you do, really. Unless you lock those bars up in a cage and guard them with an eight foot wide man demanding our passport, address and the exact names and numbers of those we’re planning to enjoy this chocolate with. Maybe you’re planning to call round the houses, to ensure we’ve only eaten our rationed portion?

Rumour has it Philadelphia cheese spread and Belvita breakfast biscuits could be next. I’m off to stock up on the full sizes. Our time together could be limited.