Why Craigslist in Nashville is killing me…

Here’s what this guy just wrote in reply to my post about looking for a room to rent in Nashville:

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“We are seeking a FEMALE caring nanny/care giver. We do not have kids. My wife is 45 and she has breathing trouble,  has trachea and uses partial ventilator and oxygen at home. I am seeking a nice care giver for her to take care of her, house keeping, cleaning and light cooking. If you don’t know anything I am willing to teach. Also as my wife is disabled and sick, I am seeking a caregiver to my wife and gf to me. I can provide room, food and little pay.”

Wait now. It gets better:

“This is a long term opportunity may be for several years or if things work out between you, me and you can take care of her very good, then I can keep you permanent as my gf. Will take care of you.”

Jesus Christ. I mean… I don’t know about you but when I read the words “me and you can take care of her very good” I am already seeing myself running very quickly from the law, gun in hand, taped to my fingers by my new boyfriend. While free rent is nice, being cajoled into casual murder is not.

But wait. We have another contender. This one’s from Dena.

I imagine Dena to look like this:

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“Hello. My name is Dena. I recently separated from my fiance and am looking for someone to rent one of my room out. I have a wifi and direct tv. Two of my carpets need to be cleaned. I’m disabled and haven’t been able to get to it. My fiance was suppose to do it but didn’t. I have 5 furry babies, dogs to some. I thought it was ironic when you said you write. My case manager and tons of people tell me I should write a book about my life. It’s been a roller coaster ride. I had a pest problem, thanks to my brother in law, but I am working to solve that problem. If only you had a car. You sound just like what the doctor ordered. If you come across a car, I would love to see about renting you out a room. You would pretty much have the house to yourself because I stay in my bedroom due to a lot of physical problems. Hope to hear from you.”

I almost responded to Dena if only to ask where the house is. I mean, I know all about her physical ailments and her rat/cockroach infested house but I don’t know where it is. She hasn’t said. I think she just wants someone to talk to. I don’t think I should live with her either.

This house-hunting thing could take a while.