Why I am getting my tickets to the gun show…

171_19653775159_6399_nI’ve never been to a gun show but it just so happens that there’s one in Denver next weekend and I’ve decided to go. Well it’s just up the road, innit. I don’t think we have gun shows in the UK. No one there has guns really because… well, because they’re dangerous (dur) and we can’t be trusted not to kill things/people, but Americans of course never do silly things like that, so yes, there’s a great big hall of guns for us all to browse. Yay!

It’s not just guns though, don’t worry. The website says there are: “700 tables with all types of guns, knives, ammunition, survival gear and food, and related hunting and fishing accessories including, holsters, western wear, gun safes, books, war relics, and other collectibles. We attract vendors from throughout the Western half of the U.S., so you are guaranteed the largest selection of old and new firearms in the State.”

Oh HELL YEAH.

I think this fascinates me because I am already imagining the kind of people I will meet at this gun show. Big, red-faced muscle-clad men with moustaches they twiddle as and when they please, walking round with pythons draped about their pulsing necks. Or guns.

snakegun

They will grunt a lot and perhaps one will invite me to his house so I can spy on how and when he uses his gun, and then make the world a better place by stealing it and hiding it before he can shoot any more bears. Or cats. Or humans (frown). The website says:

DON’T FORGET THAT ALL SHOWS ARE BUY, SELL, & TRADE! CUSTOMERS ARE ENCOURAGED TO BRING IN THEIR GUNS TO SELL, TRADE, OR GET AN APPRAISAL.

I could buy a water pistol for appraisal. Trade it in for an AK47 perhaps. I saw AK47s for sale in Yemen once. The guard at our hotel had two. He wouldn’t let me hold one… not even ONE. Boring.

Maybe Denver will be different. For research purposes only (seriously, I am going to write about this some day), I am going to the gun show. Wanna come?

Get your own tickets to the gun show

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